Sunday, October 27, 2013

The Year 2013

This year 2013 has had many ups and downs. I feel blessed in many ways yet sometimes wonder how strong of a person I really am. The beginning of this year I lost my dear sweet Mother in Law Dorothy. She had lived with us off and on for many years. This time she was going to be here for good since her oldest son had died in May of 2012. We changed our home making sure that we were prepared for her long stay with us. Handicap bars in the bathrooms installed even in the showers this way she continue her independence. We installed safety bars down the hallway incase she needed them as she would travel from her bedroom late at night into the other rooms. A night light that gave her reassurance of her surroundings. Our family was happy and enjoyed Grandma being at our dinner table sharing her stories of life. Her great grandchildren were able to know who Dorothy was and how she lived her life. My husband was happy to have his Mother home with us. This all changed in November of 2012 she suffered a major stroke spending the rest of her days in a rest home until January of this year when she went to the Lords home. Steve visited her every day me at least 3 times a week. She could not talk, eat nor did Dorothy really ever know who was with her. I do know though that she did not suffer. January 11, 2013 we lost a wonderful woman. Life was sad and tough during the next few months missing Dorothy grieving over the loss of Steve's brother from May 2012 but we were enduring. We continued our life making sure that we were surrounding ourselves with family and friends. Our craft business was growing and it got easier to go into Dorothy's room with shedding tears. Now we were talking memories of the good times shared. The month of April came Easter just passing we had been very busy with the craft business. We received the news that my Dad, who had been dealing with prostrate cancer for about 7 years was having to go through more treatments. The cancer had now spread to his bones never did Dad say it is not good I am going to die soon. Instead he continued to praise the doctors and believed that the new treatments would give him plenty of more time on this earth. I talked to my Dad every other day and sometimes 3 times in one day. We talked about cooking, gardening, recipes, grandchildren, great grandchildren and just life in general. We visited several times each time I studied him not looking any different to me just a bit more tired. The time passed whereas he started getting weaker and weaker telling all of us still I am fine just tired. He stopped taking visitors and his gardening days were no longer. I never stopped talking to him on the telephone just to hear his voice felt safe. I believed he was going to survive this cancer. September 4, 2013 my Dad went home to the Lord. I cried so much and so hard I did not think I had that many tears inside me. I was able to go to his funeral but as I saw that coffin standing so still and calm in the church aisle I realized I would no longer get my afternoon chats. I would no longer see his twinkle in his eyes as he smiled. My Dad was in heaven. My sadness is so strong that some days I don't think I can bear it but then remembering I have others that depend on me that I snap back into reality. I am angry that I did not ask more questions about his cancer, that I did not listen probably as he would tell me this cancer will be taking me. I just did not want to believe my Dad would not be here to talk to me. Today I was out doing some gardening something my Dad loved to do as I looked around my yard I saw things from our grandchildren that were handmade for the garden, I saw two old windows hanging on wire that were given to me by my son in law, Drew. I gazed for over a hour at all the treasures here and there amongst the flowers and trees that were given to me from family and friends. Here in my garden I have a TREASURED QUILT of special mementos that make me smile as I see them. I have things from my Dad, Mom and so many friends alive and those also who have gone to Heaven surrounding me each and every day. This life I have here is so blessed in many ways how could I not want to be JOYOUS and feel the love that surrounds me. I will shed tears here and there for no apparent reason except to myself just as I am doing as I write this blog but I also will shed tears of joy and happiness knowing that my parents loved me and taught me so much that I now will teach my grandchildren. My Mother and Father in law gave me so much love making me feel special .... Life is in God's hands we just better know how to use it well while we are here on Earth not wasting a precious moment.